Fourteen Years Ordained as an ELCA Pastor

A state of my call reflection

“Will you give faithful witness in the world, that God’s love may be known in all that you do?” (Question to candidate at an ordination service)

1. After fourteen years ordained, what I remember most is this: the hands. There’s a part in the ordination service where all the ordained clergy come forward and lay their hands on the ordinand. So many pastors attended my ordination that they all couldn’t fit around me. They made larger circles around one another so that everyone was placing their hand on the shoulders in front of them. I kneeled, bowed my head, felt the weight of their hands and heard these words: Eternal God, through your Son Jesus Christ, pour out your Holy Spirit upon Kim and fill her with the gifts of grace for the ministry of Word and Sacrament.

   

2. As early as middle school, the church ladies saw something in me. I’d read in church or serve as the assisting minister and a group of ladies would tell me, “Oh you’d make a great pastor someday.” Their words lodged deep within and traveled with me to college and later The Gambia as a Peace Corps Volunteer. Eventually, I unpacked their encouragement, held them in the light, and thought: Yes, I could make a good pastor someday.

3. A year after our daughter was born, I went from working full time as a pastor to being on leave from call. My primary vocation shifted from pastor to mother. My prayers rose up from the humblest of places caring for my children - baths, potty training, spit up, and feedings. My music for the season consisted of lullabies and kids’ songs. My holy reading sat on library bookshelves and in the hands of toddlers and babies. The days were no less holy than when I was serving a church as pastor. The days were no less sacred. The days were no less faithful. They were just different.

4. I’ve been on leave from call longer than I served in full-time ministry.
   

5. I received a scholarship to seminary from the Order of the Eastern Star, an organization that lifted up careers in ministry. Upon receiving the scholarship, I had to sign a contract saying that if I didn’t finish seminary or if I wasn’t ordained, I would have to return the funds. I wonder, now, being on leave from call, if I should give the money back? 

6. On leave from call, though, doesn’t quite fit what this time has looked like. I haven’t given up on my call, nor has God given up on me. I’m thankful for the colleagues who invite me to preach and preside when they are out of town. There’s the women who have gathered with me to lead them on retreats always ending our time with communion. Living Lutheran and Gather magazine have shared my writings. Readers have reached out in gratitude for my words that help strengthen their faith. And I wrote a book called The Beauty of Motherhood: Grace-Filled Devotions for the Early Years using a theological lens and the call of mothering to bring words of grace to mothers. 

7. After The Beauty of Motherhood debuted, my co-author and I led a writing workshop at the Triennial Gathering for the Women of the ELCA. Together we crafted a workshop, Tell Your Story, a writing workshop for women. I was also invited to preside at the closing worship of the convention. Afterwards, the executive director thanked me for presiding and knew that I’d have a presence and sense of peace while leading worship.  

   

8. Invite me to a church or a retreat and I know my way around Bible passages, worship leadership, and crafting a service. I’m at ease, even after all these years not being in the pulpit week after week. 

9. This past year I was invited back to my first call congregation by the current pastor to officiate a funeral. I had the blessing of both the pastor and the family. Walking into the church, the one I’d spent five years serving, felt like coming home. Carrying my bag with the alb and stole, I was ready to be the pastor. Some things don’t change — like my needing help with the microphone — but also God showing up in proclaiming the Good News through Word, water, bread and wine.  

10. One of the through lines of my life has been reading. Books have always been companions. And especially now as a mother with two children, books are always close at hand for my kids and myself. I can only explain it as a pull, something coming from outside of me, that led me to inquire about volunteering to read with kids at school. I received an enthusiastic yes and spent a few days a week reading with elementary students in the title reading program. 

11. Soon I started substitute teaching at the school. Now, I fill in for paras working one-on-one with students, in the Special Education rooms, and of course, the Title Reading room. Again, something propels me to offer my presence and time in this way. It takes a while before I feel comfortable in the school building, knowing the systems in place and how things run. Like I said, put me in a church, and I can run a service. But being in school is a new world, but I keep showing up because I love connecting with children through stories. 

12. “Would you be willing to help write my mother’s obituary?” The question came from a staff member at the school. “Of course, I’d be happy to.” On the same day I went from reading with school children to crafting an obituary. The reminder that my pastoral skills still can bring peace to someone. 

13. Over and over again, of all my writing, it’s my blessings that gain the most attention. It's these words, the wrestlings of my heart, my hopes and dreams, that resonate with readers. I’m listening when friends say, “Maybe this is your next book?” or “Only you could have written those words, Kim.”   

14. The hands that prayed over me at my ordination are still with me. And so are the hands of all those I’ve been privileged to walk beside. These hands sustain me and point me to the God who has been with me from the beginning.

    “Will you give faithful witness in the world, that God’s love may be known in all that you do?” 

    
    I will, and I ask God to help me.