Five Reflections on Starting Kindergarten

(a note on transitions and big feelings)

Welcome to Walk & Talk, my monthly newsletter to share stories, inspiration, and hope. I’m Kim Knowle-Zeller, mama, pastor, and writer. I’ve lived in West Africa and one summer hiked 500 miles across Spain, and now I call Cole Camp, MO home with my husband, two children, and dog. I love to walk, talk, and share stories. Thanks for being here!

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1. Praying this prayer on repeat: May my children be kind and good friends, may others be kind to them, may they ask questions and wonder, and may they learn of the beauty and connectedness of the world.
   

2. We know that pictures only give us a snapshot, one moment in time. They never tell the whole story, right? With one picture we simply get a glimpse. Take this picture, for example.

When I look at this photo I see a few smiling kindergarteners over breakfast. I see friendships beginning and the start of something new. But if you could look deeper into this picture, you'd see that the first day of kindergarten brings big emotions, and that sometimes the tears can't help but flow. Before this was taken, you'd see a boy clinging to his parents and not wanting to stay in school. But then again, you also don't see the teacher who snapped this picture and sent a note of assurance that your son is doing great. I'm glad I have this picture, but just as glad to have these teachers and students walking alongside us.

3. My favorite part of the day is when I pick both Charlotte and Isaac up from school. I keep my eye on the door and wait for them to walk out. With backpacks slung over shoulders and lunchboxes in hand, they see me and smile. Charlotte usually barrels into me for a hug and then proceeds to say hello to her friends. We walk together past the playground and at once they both fill me in on their days. “I saw Charlotte on the way to specials. I got to be table captain for art! Isaac, did you do the monkey bars today? Charlotte, we all got stickers from our teacher. We celebrated a birthday today. There’s something for you in my folder. I have homework. Can our friends come to the park?” I listen and nod along, trying to follow each of them and not have them talk over one another. But mostly, I marvel at the time they had at school — without me. All the time they were soaking up stories and lessons and what it means to be a good friend. All the time they were loved by others.
   

4. It’s not until the second full week of school that Isaac has another meltdown. This time, outside at the drop off line. Standing by the side of the building, we hear the welcome music booming: Because I'm happy/Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth/Because I'm happy. Isaac seems anything but happy. Charlotte stands by watching, impatient, and finally says, “Can I go in now?” Isaac wants to run and go back home. Stephen grabs him as he turns away from the building. He wants to play. He wants mama. He wants to be anywhere but school. “No school!” Kneeling down in front of him, I hold his body, and the principal comes over. She, too, looks him in the eyes while his tears fall. Together we move to the door, both of us holding Isaac. She turns to me, “They’re usually fine by the time we get into the building and in their classroom. I’ll check on him throughout the day.” He keeps saying no but walks with the principal into school and I turn to walk home.
   

5. A few hours later I get a message from the principal: He walked in with me and is doing great. I’ve even seen a few smiles. I smile too, and let out the breath I’d been holding. On a phone call recently with other mothers someone said that these big school transitions can take until November to stabilize. I read those words and don’t know whether to be relieved or not. I do know, however, that in this transition, we’re not alone. Prayers have been offered. Assurance that this will get easier comes in texts from other moms. Teachers and administrators love and care for my kids. All tangible gifts for this time and season. Markers of love and the gift of community.
   
   It may not be starting kindergarten for your family, but maybe it’s a new job or a new house, perhaps a challenging relationship or the end of one. Maybe you’re reeling from a recent diagnosis, or maybe just wondering what’s next for you and your family. Whatever transitions are unfolding for you this season, I’m with you. May you find someone to walk the road with you. May you feel the prayers others offer on your behalf. May you taste the sweetness of possibility and hope. May you know the abiding presence of God, no matter where you go.

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My Favorite Things

I’ll tell you how to get there, how to —
wave to oncoming cars
with a nod of the head
the acknowledgment that you’re both here
and “I see you.”
I had fun writing how to get here — to Cole Camp, Missouri. If you’ve been to our small town, you know it’s a delight. Our three day fair starts tomorrow. Bring on parades every night, burgers and corn dogs, rides, and the best of rural life.

My latest Growing Together column for Living Lutheran includes thoughts on cultivating wonder with my children through visits and work in the garden.

Sharing this again because this month my co-author Erin and I are thrilled that we’ll be offering a writing workshop at the upcoming Women of the ELCA Triennial Gathering in Phoenix this September! Tell Your Story: A Writing Workshop for Women will celebrate stories only women can tell — coming-of-age stories, faith stories, love stories, motherhood stories, and more.

For those who are sending their kids to school, The Mom Who Cried on the First Day of School is a must-read. Along with this Blessing for the September Mother:
May God free you from the chains of comparison
and shock you with the beauty of this calling. 
May you know he nailed your mum guilt to the cross.
And when weeping hangs around for the night,
may you remember joy comes in the morning.

“This time of year is ripe with possibility. It’s a peach tree bent forward and full of fruit, and I have found myself asking some questions lately: How will I use its gifts? Its time. Its quiet. Its breathing room. What will I make? What have I been given to steward?” Love this posture from my friend Molly. This was included in her newsletter that shares twenty somethings of all the things she’s loving.

I’ve long been a fan of Tsh Oxenreider’s work, especially her books. She has a new journal out that I’ve been eyeing as a way to cultivate gratitude and joy. She writes, “This is why I created the journal I did — because I want to build a life comprised of wonder, marvel, gratitude, and grace. I want the sort of life that builds me to be one where I’ve done everything possible to cultivate joy. I need to combat self-pity, envy, and restless anxiety, and the best way for me to do that is to build with bricks that are built of sturdier stuff than my own temporal perspective.”

What I’m Reading

• You Could Make This Place Beautiful by Maggie Smith is a masterful piece of writing that explores the disintegration of her marriage and her renewed commitment to herself. She’s a poet and her writing makes you deeply feel her experiences, but also reflect on your own life.

• The Younger Wife by Sally Hepworth was last month’s book club pick and it was a domestic suspense novel about families, marriage, and the secrets we keep. Everyone in our group enjoyed this one.

This is my Sunflower Era (or reflections on turning 41)

This is my get down in the dirt, plant some seeds, and say a prayer era. This is my watering, tending, weeding, hoping, and praying era. This is my trust in the unseen work era and leave the magic to burst from the ground era. This is my looking toward the morning sun era. This is my grit and determination era. This is my knowing when to work and when to rest era. This is where the blossoms come — where they spread and scatter era. This is where the beauty is found and claimed era.

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So grateful for you, friend! I’ll be back in your inboxes the first Wednesday in October!

P.S. I have a favor for those of you who have read The Beauty of Motherhood. Would you be willing to write an Amazon review? They are so helpful for getting others to know about our book! Anyone can review on Amazon whether you’ve bought the book from them or not. Thank you!

P.P.S. This month I’ll be starting a new writing series entitled The Walking Diaries! I’m kicking this off on September 15th reflecting on my own walking diary from a recent walk. Then, at least once a month I’ll share from others. I hope this series will help you see the beauty and goodness found in putting one foot in front of the other.