The First Day of Kindergarten

An Excerpt from The Beauty of Motherhood: Grace-Filled Devotions for the Early Years

It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

—Deuteronomy 31:8

The night before Charlotte starts kindergarten, I walk the dog to the school praying for the year ahead. In the ten minutes it takes me through the darkness with the first stars beginning to shine, I wonder what I’ll say to Charlotte before she enters the building. I’ve done enough reading and heard from enough friends to have a plethora of meaningful rituals to mark the start of school. Some contenders include:

Remember who you are and whose you are.
Go with God.
Be kind.
I love you.

I want words that will inspire, comfort, and fill her with joy (or perhaps just words that will calm my nerves). But nothing seems to fit. The next day, the sun shines without a cloud in the sky. Charlotte wakes early and can barely eat her breakfast for the excitement she feels. I think back to the beginning of the summer and this day seemed so far off, but here we are going to kindergarten. I flash back through our summer—afternoons at the pool, books on the couch, walks around the park. I mourn the loss of time we’ll have together with lazy mornings making pancakes and reading before naps.

Before the walk to school, we snap pictures on our front porch of her backpack swallowing her and her smile as bright as the sun. She stands tall next to her brother and father. On the walk, Charlotte takes the lead while I push Isaac in the stroller. I follow behind and wonder how my daughter became so big carrying her backpack and lunch bag and talking to me about her teacher and new friends.

Cars drive past us and doors open with children waving to their parents before walking into the school.

“Can I have a hug?” I ask Charlotte. Charlotte shakes her head no, too much in a hurry to get inside. I open my arms nonetheless holding them to the air.

“Alright, let’s go then,” Stephen says and reaches his hand to her. She follows him leaving Isaac and I behind. I see her nearing the door and remember I wanted to say something to her.

I haven’t shed any tears yet this morning, but as she walks ahead with her dad, without my final blessing or words of encouragement, my lip starts to quiver. I forgot to offer any words to Charlotte on this first day. I can’t even remember what words I said to her last.

I lift my hand for a wave and smile as she walks hand-in-hand with her dad, but their backs are to me. I remember words. I’ve been them saying over Charlotte since the day she was born. Words that end our days in the rocking chair. Words that I’ve spoken over her thousands of times. Words I hope are soaking into her bones and becoming a part of her. Words I pray will be holding her at school and through her whole life whispering to her over and over: Remember that you are a loved child of God.

TO PONDER

Think about the first and last words you say to your children each day. How do you want them to feel when they hear you speak to them? How do you feel when you first greet them in the morning and send them to bed? Next, reflect on words God says to you every day: you are mine, you are loved, you are called. Receive these words and trust they are yours.

God of all beginnings and endings, thank you for your presence. Guide me as I step into something new, trusting you go before me, and help me to give thanks for where I have been. May your words be a blanket over me all my days: I am loved, I am loved, I am loved. Amen.

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This is an excerpt from The Beauty of Motherhood: Grace-Filled Devotions for the Early Years which is available anywhere books are sold!

That Kindergartener I wrote about is now in 4th grade! And her brother is a 1st grader!